Tonight is my last night in Manila in my apartment. Tomorrow I pack up and go back home to San Pablo. I came into this thing many months ago to do a couple of specific things and I expected no more when I left. But the thing is, I am coming home with something more than I had ever expected. It was a great experience living on my own in Manila, working for myself, paying my own way in the big city. That in itself is an enriching experience. But I also come away with some great friendships that will endure for a long time. For the latter most of all, I'm really grateful.

But tonight I guess I can't help but feel just a little depressed. I don't want to leave the friendships I've forged and the place I had grown accustomed to. I've been living in Malate for seven months and the fact that its the #1 hang-out/gimmick place in Manila has totally slipped my mind. Aside from a small get together with some friends a couple months back, I really haven't gone out and just loosen up. I guess I will do just that tonight. I wanna get DRUNK. I wanna go CRAZY! I wanna go PARTY! But I'm all by myself so that can get a little uh...boring I guess. I'll go anyway and see just what happens.

I felt strange all day. It was a nice night last night but I woke up with a headache. I spent part of the morning in bed and part of it out. After lunch I headed over to Megamal to meet with Leinil for some Superman pages. He said that I shouldn't ink the Clark Kent faces yet because they need to be changed or something. Ok then. He's off to Boracay tomorrow. Man, I'd love to go to Boracay. In fact, I should be in DAVAO RIGHT NOW.



And why am I not in Davao right now? Because of old women. Yes, OLD WOMEN. People here in the Philippines put GREAT stock in what really old women say, superstitions that have been handed down through generations. And one such superstition is that I shouldn't go travelling to far off places immediately before I get married. Because well, something COULD HAPPEN. Jeez. What a crock of shit. I was supposed to attend the United Architects of the Philippines (UAP) Conference in Davao roundabout this time. My fiancee said I shouldn't go. My folks said I shouldn't go. Because OLD WOMEN says so. I don't normally stand for such superstition because in my 34 years I have come to learn to QUESTION things before accepting them blindly. But when the president of the UAP told me not to go as well, then what more could I do? I kid you not. OLD WOMEN is a force to be reckoned with. They ought to be characters in a comic book. They can kick serious ass.

Thanks to Hai, I was able to get these screen shots of the PIPOL thing a while back....




There you go, that's my room right there.he.he. Not for long since I'm moving out in a month or so. 2 months to go before the big day and things are starting to get hectic. I need to take care of a lot of things while at the same time trying to get some work done. I'm still trying to figure out how to continue shooting the movie, ink Superman, move house, and prepare for the big day. One thing at a time, I guess.

Stuff I get in the mail. Unbelievable. Look at this:





Amazing, if it's true. I got it from a friend of mine.

PIPOL, ABS-CBN Channel 2, October 22, 11:00pm



If you wanna see what I look like tune in to that program, channel and time listed above. :) They were just here a while ago and they interviewed me about comics. If they make it back to Manila alive that is. That puto we ate tasted horrible. I think it was the butter we put on it or something. I just might have killed Ces Drilon's entire reportorial and camera team in one fell swoop. Already my head hurts and I'm dizzy.

Backtracking, the entire night last night I spent just cleaning my room/studio. It was a terrible mess. And by around midnight my room was reasonably neat and arranged. I was wiped out. I talked with a friend on the phone and I fell quickly asleep. The next morning I waited for the Pipol team to arrive in front of Canossa College, the place I had asked them to meet me so it will be easier for them to find my place. They arrived a little after 9 and we proceeded back to my place.

Up in my room they set up the camera and I took a lot of comic art out to display. Basically, they asked me why I was into comics, and how I got in. They also shot some pics of me with Whilce and Nil and Ed etc. They also shot some comics and comic art I did and newspaper articles I had appeared in. They had wanted to shoot me watching some cartoons. Apparently, they thought that interest in comics and cartoons go hand in hand. Well, I really don't get it. I liked animation when I was younger, but I just don't enjoy it much now. That's strange huh?

PIPOL: Hey, it would be cool to show you watching some cartoons!
ME: I don't watch cartoons.
PIPOL: Oh.

After half an hour....

PIPOL: Come on, HUMOR us, watch some CARTOONS!!!
ME: Uh...OK.

I pop in my Beauty and the Beast DVD. They shoot the DVD as it slides into the machine. After the shoot wrapped, we watched some porn. eh.eh.

Then the puto with the bad butter. I feel dizzy still. They must be zigzagging across the highway now. I hope they don't get hurt too bad.

A good friend of mine got really hurt last night. All because some fucking idiots who are too fucking lazy to do some decent work go and take other people's hard earned money away. I can't describe how I felt last night when I was told. The Eric in me wanted to kill them all fucking lazy bastards and bash their fucking pea brained heads into a phone booth. But me, I just want to go see her today to maybe just be there and tell her everything is going to be all right. I've cleared all the stuff I have to do today just to go and see her. Apologies to Noel Lim because I can't shoot today, apologies to my brother's sister because I won't be able to meet her today, and apologies to Nil because I wasn't able to do what I was supposed to.

It's all well and good to hope for peace and an end to war and violence. I'd be an IDIOT not to want it. But I'll be more of an IDIOT if I let people who want war, who want violence, who don't want peace to trample over me and the ones I care about. I'd be an IDIOT if I let them come into my house massacre my family and I lie there and take it because I don't believe in violence.

Fuck that. If you hurt me and mine I swear to God, you'll get more than what you gave.

Strangely, I suddenly feel sad knowing that I'll be leaving my apartment in just a little over 15 days. I have been living there since what....March? April? It's been months ago and yet it feels like an instant. It seems like only the other day that I was statying in a hotel in Pedro Gil looking for an apartment and calling all these people up.

From March 3, 2002:

Starting a week or so from now, I'll be moving to Manila for a couple of months. Maybe more. I'll be taking an apartment somewhere so I could be near where our little movie WASTED is being shot. It will just be an apartment with a bed and a drawing table. I won't be bringing my computer or my TV and DVDs. Maybe just a CD player for music. I'll be in Manila on weekdays and I will go home on the weekends.

Wow, seven months flew by so very damned fast. Even though I stayed there only for so long, I got sort of used to the place and got comfortable in it. It almost felt like home. I got close to some people in Manila, people I never thought I'd get close to. And I'll miss them really bad. I wish I could stay, but I have to go. December comes a huge change in my life, the biggest one so far. I admit it's a little scary doing what I'm about to do, but at the end I know it will all be worth it.

Although I did stay in Manila so I can more easily be where Wasted is being shot, it just didn't work out that way. In the end, I was able to give Noel Lim and the movie a couple of days a week, on rare occasions 3 or 4 days, and that was it. Sometimes it was the inking job, sometimes it was for personal reasons. With Superman now starting and will be in full swing soon, and with me moving back to San Pablo, shooting now becomes a little more difficult. When that time finally comes around, I guess I'll just have to schedule my time more carefully. I'll go to Manila when I can and hope we can make the best of the time I'm there.

Moving Again

I've been spending the past few days going over our neighborhood here in San Pablo looking for a house for me to move in. An apartment would be nice, but I've always wanted to have my own yard so I can have grass and plants and space for dogs and cats. I'm not really looking for a big place. Just big enough for me and Ilyn. I'll be moving in before we get married so I can fix the place up and make it livable.

Finding the place wasn't as bloody as finding my apartment in Manila. It was relatively easy, comparatively. I just walked around the neighborhood, found the place, called up the owner who turns out to be a friend of my mom's and gave me the place for less than it normally would.

It's not too far from the house where I live in now, actually. Which is perfect because it's near the school where Ilyn used to teach. She's been wanting to teach again so she won't have to go far. I'll start moving in first thing November. The place doesn't have a phone yet so I just might still continue using the computer here at home.

*************************************

I've seen want ads in newspapers, flyers, magazines and online, where female applicants are almost always required to be SINGLE. That kind of thing always irritates me. What the fuck difference does it make if the girl is married or not? Is she somehow less of a person, is she somehow suddenly unqualified, for jobs that have nothing to do with being single or married?

I think I've got the answer. All the bosses in these companies want single women. Why? Because they're all fucking married but HORNY bastards who want hot young sweet things to bang on the side. That's ALL there is to it.

**************************************

That said, I'm signing the Marriage License today. And start on Superman tomorrow. It's about time!!

Today I was one of three judges in a local district on the spot poster making contest here in San Pablo. I do this regularly once in a while because they seem to think I'm qualified to do it. It was pretty tough to judge because there were lots of entries that were really good. But inspite of that, I saw only ONE that could possibly be the winner.

And my #1 choice didn't even make the top three of the other 2 judges. I was flabbergasted. This entry was quite impressive in many ways. Number one, it fulfilled the theme of the competition very well. Admittedly, the entry was quite depressing, but it was a depressing theme. And I thought that this, of all entries, made the theme very immediate in the eyes of the viewers. Number two, the artistry was very impressive for a high school student. The colors were admittedly somber, but it was the perfect color scheme to fit the concept of the piece. The entry that eventually won had colors that were very strong and so very attractive to the eye, but it had a very uneven composition and it exhibited some structural errors in the human figures. The one I wanted had excellent composition and exhibited a very professional rendering of color and layout of human faces and figures.

Oh well, I guess that's why they have 3 judges to even everything out. Still, this kid deserved something because the work was very, very good in my eyes. I expect to see this artist do something great one day.

******************
I was able to buy a new edition of Anne Frank's diary. Of course, I had read this book many many years ago and I love it to death. For those not familiar with it, it's an actual diary of a young Jewish girl during World War 2. It tells of her life before and during the time they hid from Hitler's nazi Germany. It's a very moving diary specially in the light of it being absolutely true. She of course, didn't survive the concentration camps. She died along with the rest of her family, with the exception of her father Otto.

Otto had the diary of her daughter published, but held back certain chapters because they were perhaps too volatile and critical of her parents and other people. This version of the diary which I got, which is being called "The Definitive Version", brings back those chapters and they total nearly 30% of the diary now. The reading is quite fascinating because the omissions that were brought back paints a rounder and more human picture of Anne and it makes her story even more moving as a result. Read it if you haven't.

If I Had a Billion Billion Dollars

After taking care of all the necessary (like kill off Osama, put up schools, hospitals, libraries and offer financial help to people with illnesses they can't afford to cure), I would:

Put up my own coffeeshop called "Coffeekero Cafe" which will be like a local version of Starbucks, the difference being all coffee recipes will be based on Barako. So instead of Cafe Latte or Cappuccino, you'll have Barako Latte of Barakoccino. Instead of cookies or donuts, you'll have bibingka or puto bumbong or buko pie. All the chairs, tables, napkins, utensils, straws, cups, tablecloths etc. will be made of native materials. A section of this cafe will be reserved for members of Alamat (or to anyone interested in comics) to just hang out, talk comics, share stories and artwork. And I promise that for the first time ever, Alamat will have a hang out place that will not close down on them. The cafe will also have a section where alternative comics and zines are sold. If you have a comic book you have produced yourself, you can sell it there. Comics launchings and signings and all sorts of similar activities can be held there.

I would put up a publishing company that would produce comics for the Philippine market. To this end, I would put up studio which will house editors, artists, staff artists, printers, color separators and all the necessary machinery that would produce well written, well drawn and well colored comics that are offered at inexpensive prices on a monthly basis. There will be requirements however, no black and white artwork shall be created with the help of computers and lettering shall be done by hand directly on the artwork itself and not added later via computer. Coloring however, can be done in the computer but without the overexaggerated shades and lighting effects. Colors will be simple and direct to the point. All the artists must exhibit singular identity in their work and must not be derivative of popular styles. As a result, everybody will be paid extremely well, better than how much someone like Leinil Yu is paid right now by American companies. I will put Budjette Tan in as editor in chief.

Here I'd create all the comics I want to create and have the money to publish them without compromise.

To help distribute the comics, I will put several comic book booths in every mall, theater, school, palengke, street corner of every major thoroughfare, in every city in the entire country. The comics will be available in English, Tagalog, Visaya, Bikolano, Ilokano, Kapampangan, and every other major language or dialect in the country.

I would finance Noel F. Lim's short or feature length movies including providing the latest in equipment and most talented of crew and give him total creative control.

I would finance all efforts to restore and preserve our classic motion pictures by those made by Manuel Conde, Gerry de Leon, Lino Brocka, etc. and make them available publicly via Filmfests and as high quality and feature packed DVDs.

I would buy, restore and preserve SUPREME Theater here in San Pablo. I would have the latest in movie audio and video presentation technology from THX to DTS to an actual Digital Screen and Projection system. It will have the best seats (pre assigned upon buying the ticket), the coolest air conditioning and no one can get in once a movie has started. Best of all, the cinema will have a jamming field that will render all cellphones inoperative for the duration of the movie. And of course, I will show nothing but the best film has to offer.

That is, if I have a Billion Billion dollars.

Of course, if I can achieve at least one of those with the money I have I'd be happy.

Culture Crash and Me
Updated below Sept. 25, 2002

Mike Simbulan of Comicquest extended me an invitation from Culture Crash for a meeting last Saturday. Apparently, lots of guys would be there from Pol Medina to Arnold Arre to Dean Alfar, etc. Unfortunately, me who don't have Internet for much of the week received Mike's email only yesterday, Sunday, when it was all over.

Additionally, Budjette Tan sent me a text message telling me about the meeting, but unfortunately again, my Saturday was busy with a Wasted shoot. The shoot involved other actors who had committed to the schedule. We're damn lucky just to have other actors commit like that and since we're running behind schedule, I'd be crazy to postpone it after we had planned it for sometime.

I hope no one makes up stories of why I wasn't at that meeting, considering my feelings about Culture Crash and their comics. If you are from Culture Crash and you want to get in touch, just email me: timawa@laguna.net

I'll get back to you guys as soon as I can as I'm away from my computer a lot of the time these days.

My thoughts about Filipinos publishing comics using the manga style pretty much hasn't changed. A lot of people have asked me to read the stories and I would discover that they're as Filipino as bibingka and puto bungbong. I will not doubt that. I have 3 or 4 of their comics and I've read them.

I wasn't talking about stories. I was talking about artwork. I have to make that distinction. And this is just a personal opinion. There have been accusations that I'm a crab that won't let others get ahead and bring others down, that I'm envious of Culture Crash's success, that I don't have a right to say what I say because I'm doing nothing for the Filipino Comics Industry.

I disagree with all of that. I'm not envious of Culture Crash's success at all. And I'm not saying what I'm saying because I want to bring them down.

I was just offering my opinion, and I think I have the right to say it, whether or not I contribute to the industry or not. If people have the right to praise them, I reserve the right to point out what is bothering me about them. Everybody else is free to disagree with me, that won't be a problem. I just hope that those people who rise in Culture Crash's defense will keep their cool and not label me as a bigot and call me all sorts of colorful names. I'm just a guy offering an honest opinion.

I have very particular sentiments about Filipino Komiks. I have been reading them for a long time, I have been appreciating all the varied kinds of artwork for a long time and I've idolized guys like Coching, Alfredo and Larry Alcala, Nestor Redondo, Tor Infante, Vicatan, Niño, etc. What stood out to me was that our stuff, and I'm talking just about Artwork here, our stuff could stand toe to toe with the best of what the rest of the world had to offer.

As the years wore on, quality of comics has gone down. Because of poor working conditions, artists were forced to find work elsewhere to survive. Some of my friends and I toyed with our own comics to offer an alternative to readers who were looking for something to read. We made our own comics to the best of our abilities, but we could not produce them as often as we would have liked simply because we did not have the money.

Simply put, we were artists and writers. We were no businessmen. What did we know about running a business? All we knew was making comics. And that was what we did, as best we could.

We were always glad when we saw new comics being produced by other people. Good or bad I enjoyed all of them. And I enjoyed them because they were the product of the imagination of those who created them. Some of them were bad, but at least they were original and were drawn in ways I've never seen before.

So it bothers me a lot when a lot of professional artists started to draw in the manga style whenever they drew their comics, for whatever reason. I don't hate manga per se. I'm a big manga fan. I have lots of manga books here at home and I even have reference books about the history of manga and anime. And when I was younger, I even belonged to a comics outfit that produced manga comics. But as I grew older, I believed that if I were to publish anything, I would not use manga, or American or European styles of drawing. I'd use my own, whatever it was.

It's allright to draw manga for the fun of it, whether it be at home or whatever. But if one is going to publish something, it really is better to draw using a style of one's own.

Yes, comics ought to be fun. And it should be. But something that must not be forgotten is that publishing also gives one power. And to quote an oft repeated cliche, power comes with responsibility. There is a responsibility not only to the readers, but to our history and legacy as internationally respected comic book creators.

If we, as Filipinos, draw in that manga style, then what kind of comic book identity do we have? We're reduced to a just another country drawing in a style that everybody else uses. Don't you artists aspire for something more? Don't you aspire to create your OWN style and blaze your own trail? Don't you wish, even for a moment, to create your own unique style, draw it in the best you can and let everyone else follow your footsteps? Be the MAN! Be the artist that everyone else copies!

Once in a while I'd hook up with a friend of mine who knows someone from Culture Crash. Once I find this out, I'd ask my friend, "Are those CC guys pissed with me?". My friend would laugh, nod his head immediately and say yes resoundingly.

Is this true? I'm sorry if it had come to this, but I really do feel strongly about this. Maybe I'm just a freak. Maybe I'm just holding on to some stupid old fashioned way of thinking. I don't know. All I know is that when I look at a CC comic book, or when I see a venerable title like Funny Komiks being drawn in manga, I feel so sad it breaks my heart.

And this is why I cannot be part of a movement that will promote works like this. I cannot be part of something that will help something like this flourish. And this is why I must sadly decline your invitation to join your convention. I'm sure it will be lots of fun without me.

I'm sorry if I make people sad or angry with what I say. Do the comics you want to do the way you want to do them. I'm just one person so I don't know why what I say can be such a big deal.

On Me Being Envious of Culture Crash's Success

Not at all. I didn't come into comics for the primary reason of wanting to be popular and "successful". I wanted to go into comics because I wanted to, because it was a job that seemed fun to have. If CC's reasons for doing this is to be "successful" then they should be congratulating themselves because they have done just that. I cannot be envious because that is NOT my reason for being here. I just want to draw and to create stories. If people like my stuff fine. If people, don't, then it's fine as well.

On Me Wanting to Bring Down Culture Crash

Anybody who thinks this NEVER understood the point of what I was trying to say. I should just dismiss it outright, but I guess I ought to elaborate and add something more. Wanting to be successful comes with the desire to be praised. Your comic book is very popular and your mailbox is most likely filled with letters of praise. Is there no room at all for any dissenting opinion? If someone doesn't like your stuff does it mean they are bringing you down? I thought this was a democracy and people are free to express what they believe in. Even the government has an opposition. What makes you think you shouldn't have one?

You are responsible for bringing life to the faltering comics industry, yes, I can give you that. But in the long run, you are bringing much more damage to our rich comic book heritage. You are the ones bringing us and and our respected standing in the international comic book community down by publishing comics that are derivative in art style of other countries. You are eroding the standard in which our comic book veterans and forefathers fought so hard to create and establish.

But do what you want. Be unoriginal. Be derivative. Make the Philippines be known as just another country that doesn't have a unique identity in comics. Just like everyone else.